Thursday, January 18, 2007

Summary of 99% of the people you will meet in College

A similar article like this was posted on somethingaweful forums. This is a list different from the one mentioned at somethingaweful. Enjoy!!

THE 1 HIT WONDER
You will never hear this guy/girl ever say anything, whether it be to other students or the professor. Then one day, after looking extremely intense or constipated for an hour straight, they will say something so gloriously insightful that it will bring tears to the eyes of everyone who bears witness to it.
Then they will never speak again.

THE KID THAT FUCKING NO-ONE LIKES
This kid is a douche bag! And for arguments sake let’s call him “DANNY” You desperately want to punch him in his ear, but he’s disabled. And because he disabled he makes sure to piss EVERYONE OFF with extra annoyance on the side. This kid will sometime attempt to befriend you then manage to say or do something so unspeakably rude or offer some sort of backwards compliment. Parties disassemble whenever this Ass hat manages to find his way to one. Everyone avoids him but secretly watches him to see if he will lose a crutch while walking or roll down the stairs just to get in a good chuckle.

THE SUBURBAN RAPPER
The Suburban Rapper can be found in any common area, listening to his own music on his IPOD at an unreasonable volume. Generally (but not always) white, he awkwardly uses the words Dog, Crib, Homie, Phat, G, or Ill. If he spots you, he'll ask you to "peep this new track yo," or attempt to sell you tickets to his half-assed concert. His music is generally unbearable, and if you're lucky, you can get away with only hearing a few verses. He always seems surprised that his poser antics never land him a girl, or a record deal.

ACTIVIST ANNIE
Somewhat related to the man-hating feminist but has plenty more to piss her off than just men. Needs to get involved in every civil rights or ultra liberal campaign that has ever been mentioned on campus. Tries to make a cause out of every problem anybody has with authority, no matter how absurd or completely unfounded the complaint.

YOU’RE A LITTLE TOO OLD TO BE HERE GUY
Usually in the 28-32 year range, this species refuses to let go of the joys of college. Can be found on campus seven days a week, and is always present at EVERY SINGLE FRAT PARTY. Will give you some lame, shady excuse why he’s still in college, and will then befriend you so he can abuse the T1 connection in your dorm room to download porn. Most often has no friends his own age, is unemployed and still lives with his parents. Because he is older than everyone else, he will constantly criticize everyone for acting like children, but will then throw a tantrum when you won’t let him play a game of HALO. He loves crappy beer, joints and the cheapest cigarettes available. You can recognize him by his weird and outdated taste in clothing and his fondness for 80’s rock music. Usually very loud, obnoxious and opinionated in the classroom, with traits similar to that of THE EXAM BEGGER and THE INTELLECTUAL SUPERHERO.

THE EXAM BEGGER
This person cannot take a test without first begging for as much review or information as possible. They cannot prepare for a test without first knowing seemingly unimportant details like "How many questions are on this test?" They will beg for extra review sessions, extra credit, and to know the exact breakdown of how the test is scored. They will waste the whole class when a test is announced if the professor doesn't shut them up. They will also spend the entire first session of a class, when the syllabus is presented trying to make homework a much higher percentage of the total grade.

BIBLE SLUT
Generally starts out being the CONVERTER, straight-laced and conservative; they go to church every week and brag about that fact often. This person even has the ability to recite any and every bible verse from memory. Then THE LUCKY BASTARD or JOHNNY THREE LEGS introduces them to the marvels of SEX,and it's all down hill from there, as they descend into the foul pits of whoredom. They of course will still go to Church every week in order to keep up a facade of piety, singing the glories of baby Jesus.

THE BABYFACE
This kid graduated high school early, but doesn't really make a big deal about it. Because of this, his social skills are somewhat undeveloped, and he is quick to attach himself to social groups in order to gain acceptance. Said social groups are quick to make him the subject of their corruption projects, and take great pleasure in getting him drunk/laid/stoned for the first time.

THE AMICABLE ATHLETE
Sort of the polar opposite of the Hillbilly Gangster, the Amicable Athlete is usually about 6 foot three, weighing in at 225 pounds, and looks like Sam Jackson on steroids. Attending college on a sports scholarship, the Amicable Athlete probably works a cushy job at a car dealership, gets more tail than you can possibly imagine, is more or less constantly high on primo weed all of the time, and is smart enough to know that he's in for an easy ride and to enjoy it and throws great parties! While he might never turn pro, there's a good chance he'll get a good gig on the local AM sports radio station

THE STAREDOWN-ER
If this kid is corrected by another student on anything, no matter how wrong they were, and how right the corrector was, his wrath shall be incurred in the most passive-aggressive manner possible: Silently glowering at their new 'nemesis'. No matter if the incident occurred once, months ago, any time you look in this kid's general direction, he will still be fucking staring at you with the hatred of a thousand warlords. Will probably lead the victim of his piercing gaze to do a number of 'Is he still fucking staring at me?' checks.

THE WHITE RASTAFARIAN
All of his tie-dyed clothes are made from, like, pure natural hemp, man! He most likely sports an impressive set of dreadlocks and can be easily spotted as he skateboards to his next class. The White Rasta can also be found playing an odd game called 'hackey sack' along with others of his kind in any park-like area, or any place that has a couple of trees nearby, and seem to have an affinity for border collies and other shaggier members of the species canine. They also seem to possess an almost MacGuyver-like ability to create a bong from a combination of nearly any common household objects within a matter of moments. However, most of their time is spent contemplating whether or not trees can think.

THE NEWLY-RIPE FRUIT
This guy's gay! You see, he's only just found out and now he's got to make up for lost time. He may have had a healthy interest in sports, or board games - but no more. He tries, for the sake of decorum, to occasionally talk about things that do not directly involve his gayness, but he is unequal to the struggle and five or six minutes down the line, the increasingly one-sided conversation has shifted to his multiple fuck buddies, or one of his alarmingly variegated fetishes. You see, just liking cocks isn't enough - that's not gay enough for the Newly-Ripe Fruit to truly express himself. He must round his sexuality out with public discussion of whips or chains or piss drinking, but more often than not he decides he is a furry as well, and won't let it escape anyone's notice. Possibly does more to set back the cause of tolerance than Fred Phelps ever did.

THE NURSING STUDENT
OMG BUSY! These girls (invariably) are incredibly busy with their nursing school workload. Despite this, they get shit faced constantly with their fellow nursing school students, only to wake up at 5am for their OB rotation. Often incredibly attractive, these girls typically are still attached to the same guy they knew in high school, who they will marry.

THE CAVE DWELLER
His blinds are never open. His light's never on. He lives by the light of his computer. Whenever he goes out, which is very, very rare, he squints and looks frightened, often power walking to class. He uses the internet for his lectures, and never sleeps when you do, so you can't hang out with your friends/girlfriend at your place. He's not nice, but he's not mean. He's clean, but his room's a mess. There's Mountain Dew cans everywhere. He gets average grades, and he's usually a science major, though sometimes a Lit or English major.

MUSCLES MCFLAUNTY
This individual (almost always a guy) has been lifting weights since age 4, and never lets you forget about it. He goes to the gym twice a day, wears nothing more covering than a wife beater, and constantly twitches his pecs just to get you to look at his chest. McFlaunty may or may not be otherwise annoying, but it is a known fact that he eats creatine for breakfast, lunch and dinner to increase muscle mass even further; this will result in four different cancers before he is 30. Occasionally, Muscles McFlaunty will have a lisp, in which case, laugh at him.

MRS. DEGREE
Misses degree has no real purpose in college except finding "Mr. Degree" majoring in some lucrative field such as computer programming,premed, law, or engineering. Often packed with great looks, a killer body and half a brain Mrs. Degree has no problem being a mere shadow of their wealthy husband and is always the first to brag and attempt to start "intelligent conversation" on the career of Mr. Degree. Always on the prowl, you may find Mrs. Degree befriending such characters as the Study Nazi, FUCKING DISGUSTING C.S. MAJOR, and the CEO Junior.

SOCIAL DISORDER GUY
Avoided by everyone, this person possess a crippling social tic that goes completely unnoticed to him. If you're unlucky enough to be identified by social disorder guy in public, you will be followed regardless of how much of a hurry you pretend to be in. You will be forced, due to social etiquette, to engage in a meaningless and awkward conversation that will be filled with characterizations of your self image. Social Disorder Guy is completely comfortable stopping on his way to work for fifteen minutes or half an hour to fill you in on one of two things: either his roommate is moving out again or he has a new job. You have no classes with him, and you never see him except for random times during the day around your campus, yet he considers you one of his best friends. You probably are.

THE ANSWER MACHINE
This person gets it! They understand the material. They can answer the hard questions that require logical induction and they can form arguments using the material.Unfortunately, everyone else in the class is either the Quiet, Smart Slacker or The Frat Mattress or I'm Too Important to Be Here. The professor lectures and asks a question and no one will answer. Grated by the awkward silence, The Answer Machine finally answers.
The floodgates open. From the rest of the semester onwards, the class is a dialogs between The Answer Machine and the professor interspersed with infrequent, sometimes mind-numbing comments from The Frat Mattress when she's called on and the slacker when they care. But for the most part, it's The Answer Machine. Even when they don't answer, the professor will call on them regardless of whether or not their hand is raised.

THE MEGAPHONE
This guy seems pretty intelligent and contributes with a vast amount of knowledge. Unfortunately he has got no grasp of volume at all. Will scream across the room with a content smile on his face while embarrassing the people around him. When conversing with The Megaphone you can't decide if he is constantly pulling your leg or just doesn't realize what the hell he is telling you. Does never know when to shut up but magically manages to never piss anyone seriously off.

THE GEEK PROVIDER
The provider tends to be everyone's best friend when they need something from him. Of his various requests, he spends the majority of his time lofting and unlofting bunks, or fixing people's computers. When he is not doing this, the provider is somehow nowhere to be found. For extra fun, combine THE PROVIDER with the FOREIGN SILENT CURVE DESTROYER
MR. ROTC CADET
Often seen traversing campus in fatigues, yet his pack is devoid of water, map, GPS, or other survival gear. Instead, he packs the same Biology 101, Spanish II, and English Rhetoric texts that you do. Known to major in Criminology or Criminal Justice, and may show up to 8 a.m. class in PT gear, not having had time to make it home for a shower and shave after his morning run. Placed by God on Earth to counter the ramblings of Passionate Politico with physical threats (if PP is a male) or ramblings of his own stripping PP of her human/constitutional rights (if PP is a female). Very loyal to his friends and beliefs, Mr. ROTC Cadet is generally a good guy to have as a friend, or at least an amiable acquaintance.

MR. I WORK FULL TIME
This guy uses his job as an excuse not to show up and help with group projects. He will claim that he must work all the time and therefore cannot show up for any of the group meetings. Impossible to get hold of outside of class. Generally a 50/50 shot of doing the work.

MUSIC MAJOR
One of the more rare species outside of Music Classes, Practice Rooms, and University Symphony Concerts. The MM spends 50% of their time practicing, 25% studying hard/semi-useless classes which require an A to get accepted to their low-paying major, 25% at band practices, and 25% with their music Fraternity/Sorority...is that 125%? Doesn't matter; MMs party so much that the high alcohol content in their bloodstream causes them to black out and loose that 25%. Tends to only date other music majors because "Only another MM can understand why they have to practice 3-4 hours a day". Depending on the instrument, music majors are laid back, but complain that they are working SOOO hard to eventually get a salary of <$35K a year but that "I love music SOOO much it doesn't matter". Usually makes fun of the Drama Nerd for not being "Real Musicians" and has enough Classical CD's to fill up Amazon.com.

FACEBOOK ADDICT
The Facebook Addict often makes references to who changed/added what, and who "its complicated" with who. Most of their sentences begin with "omg did u see _______ on his/her wall?" and end with "Tag it!" They check facebook every chance they get, only to get pissed when they dont have a new wall post from when they last checked it 18 seconds ago. They are amazed by those who mini-feed say they have "no recent activity" and how they have such self control. The FACEBOOK ADDICT often joins many groups and is only moments away from becoming the FACEBOOK ZOMBIE.

THE STUDIO ART MAJOR:
The S.A.M. totes around a humongous portfolios (often containing works of art only other S.A.M.'s can appreciate) manages to whack near passersby's and destroy other objects in their path. The studio major whine's about spending all their money on ridiculously expensive studio supplies, yet they have enough for a regular smoke...you know, for the stress. Unfortunately, studio courses are inhumanely time-consuming, so the S.A.M. are almost always held up in the studio labs, yet the degree is absolutely worthless, thus resulting in a downward mental spiraling of the said major students. You could spot them easily by their odd sense of "fashion", consisting of articles such as striped socks, ripped jeans and unsightly hairstyles. The best way to test if an individual is a studio arts major is to ask him/her to help you count, as most can't do math to save their lives.

INTELLECTUAL SUPERHERO
Intellectual Superhero is neither an intellectual nor a superhero, but don’t tell him that! The Intellectual Superhero is easily identified by his complete inability to allow a class period to pass by without asking at least 654 questions designed to show how "witty" and "clever" he is. He will attempt to prove the professor wrong in every class with his inane bullshit, regardless of the fact that the professor has a doctorate in the field. If it’s a science course, the Intellectual Superhero will attempt to solve every problem using an alternate method, which is always incorrect. But don’t worry; he’ll still manage to waste 20 minutes of your life with his insane method of solving the problem. At least you’ll get to laugh at him when the professor proves him wrong.

THE FACE BOOK ZOMBIE
This person comes to class every single time, yet spends 100% of class time on their laptop. They believe that if one comes to class, one will somehow absorb the material telepathically from the professor. They usually are on Face book, Forums (Many are Goons) Some sort of RPG, Solitaire, you name it. The important thing, though, is that they are not paying attention to class at all, Ever. They tend to hover in the back, and have ultra quick minimizing reflexes if a lone TA should wander back there.

THE ETHNIC TREASURE
Comes from a multi-ethnic back ground, and will constantly bring this up. They will write articles in the school paper about how delightfully confused they are about not knowing which ethnic stereotypes to conform to.

THE "GARY"
The name is very personal and is why I choose to use it, it became a code word for these type of guys. Not exclusive to university.
Usually an unattractive guy who thinks he is a stud and acts like he is hung like a porn star. Thinks he can charm and seduce any woman by lecherously rubbing her back and give back massages while trying to undo her bra. Always touching up girls even if they give the message they are not interested, even in front of their boyfriend. But thats cool, he has a black belt in Karate so will be ready to fight off any pissed boyfriends. Carries a pair of handcuffs with him and loves to put girls through bondage in the pub even if they don't want it.

THEY LIVE AT THE COFFEE SHOP
It might be an on-campus coffee shop or one right near campus, but either way they're there. Always. The group can get quite large, but there's a core of about four people. Usually this core consists of: a fat, annoying girl; a gay guy; a theater major (male or female); and an older guy, either a grad student/limpet or a townie. This core group will invariably occupy the coffee shop's only couch; if there are more than one, they will occupy the best couch. No matter where you are in the coffee shop, you will hear them laughing, shouting, calling one another hot, singing along with the song playing on the stereo ("omigod i luv this song!!"), and erupting into a chorus of "BYEEEE's" whenever one of the group finally decides to leave.

45 YEAR OLD COLLEGE STUDENT WITH 2 KIDS
The 45 Year Old College Student with Two Kids is one of the more interesting persona's found in the college classroom. This subject has returned to school in an attempt to better her life, which is a great endeavor. However, there are a few things about this person that will make you want to punch her in the face by the end of the semester. The 45-year-old college student with two kids must write down every word the professor says. This will cause the class to be peppered with calls of "can you repeat that" approximately every 0.23 seconds. Second, she must ask the most obvious questions, preferably ones the professor has already answered.

THE FLEETING LOVEBIRDS
Comprised mainly of Freshman, these two are fresh out of high school, and are gonna be in love forever. They take all the same classes together, they've got their first apartment together, and they're inseparable. Most of the time, one of the two had the chance to a scholarship at a better school, but turned it down in the name of love. They'll sit together in class, are always the first to volunteer for group work together, and will no doubt be broken up by the end of their first year.

NIGHT OWL
Staying up long after you've gone to bed, a Night Owl roommate may periodically awaken you with a laughing fit after reading a Chuck Norris joke on some crappy forum or heating water in the microwave for a 3 AM cup of ramen. May be seen complaining about the lack of places open in town at 1 in the morning on Tuesday night. The Night Owl is also likely to skip morning classes.

THE GUY WITH INHUMAN HALO SKILLS
This guy doesn't have "mad skills"; Instead, there is no word in the English language that properly describes how good this fucker is with a plasma rifle or pistol. He looks rather ordinary, with no unusual physical features, nor obvious personality quirks. But give him an Xbox, and a copy of Halo, and prepare to have many recurring nightmares of what you're about to see. You could swear that the The Guy with inhuman Halo skills has found a way to wire an Xbox to his brain, because there is no other explanation to how impossibly good he is. He quite literally can chuck a grenade at a difficult-to-reach weapon, and the explosion will launch the said weapon straight at him, as if he was pulling it telekineticaly. He knows the location of every item on every map, and knows exactly when that item is gonna respawn.

STUPID UGLY FAT GIRL
Stupid Ugly Fat Girl feels the need to enter into every single class discussion, completely disregarding the fact that she has nothing of substance to add to the conversation. Stupid Ugly Fat Girl cannot construct a sentence without using the words "like" and "um" at least 12 times for every 2 other words. She always wears clothes that are too tight, and seems partial to gaudy rhinestone shirts with incredibly original phrases such as "Princess" strewn across the front of her sagging cow tits. The only way to actually learn something in a class with the Stupid Ugly Fat Girl is to distract her attention with a shiny object.

THE ONE UPPER
This student will make it a point to one-up anything that comes out of anyones mouth. You study for a test for 6 hours? He studied for 10. You drank 12 beers? He drank 20. You've broken your arm twice? He's broken his 3 times. The interesting thing to note about the One-Upper is the fact that everything he says is a lie, but he has convinced himself its true.

SMALL TOWN GODDESS
Hails from some microscopic town where she maybe had 5 or 6 classmates in her graduating class, the Small Town Goddess is what is known as HOT. SMOKING HOT, in fact. Like, all-natural, blonde haired and blue-eyed 1973-ish Playboy bunny-like hotness. However, for some reason unknown to science, she somehow did not develop what is commonly known as 'Hot Chick Syndrome' and is, instead, incredibly sweet, good natured and friendly to a fault. This, naturally, causes most members of the opposite sex to be baffled by this seemingly incongruous behavior. Many a man have approached her, yet few can stand to be around her for very long. Why, you ask? The fault lies not with her, oh dear reader! Nay, the fault comes from realizing that she is honestly squeaky clean and you, by comparison, are like some filthy hobo in your soul.

JOHNNY FRAT BOY - or - SALLY SORORITY CHICK
While there’s certainly nothing wrong with being in a Greek organization, some people take their involvement in these groups a little too seriously. These are the people who can’t go 2 consecutive days without wearing their shirts from some drinking party they went to last weekend. Johnny Frat Boy likes to brag about how many beers he slammed down on Tuesday night, while Sally Sorority Chick acts as though she is too immaculate to be tarnished by your presence. In either case you shouldn’t worry about these two personality types too much because they only associate with each other. This brings me to another point: when you see these people outside of class, it is perfectly acceptable to run them over with your motor vehicle of choice.

STUDY NAZI
Study Nazi is in school for one reason: to get good grades. Unfortunately for Study Nazi, he’s not that bright and he struggles with his classes. That doesn’t stop him from letting everyone know how long he studied for that 5 question quiz though. Study Nazi, much like the Intellectual Superhero, will ask questions constantly during class. However, the Intellectual Superhero has some grasp of the material. Study Nazi, while he can quote his books and his notes verbatim, has no idea what any of it means. Under no circumstances should you approach Study Nazi outside of class. Doing so will only remind him that he’s losing valuable time that he could be using in the library and you might get hurt in his frenzied dash to get there as quickly as possible.

THE KARAOKE SUPERSTAR:
Possessing the incredible ability of knowing the lyrics to every song ever written, but unfortunately lacking the talent to flaunt it properly, the Karaoke Superstar molds every moment of their life into that of an American Idol reject. Whether it be wailing along to their favorite Nickelback song at the bar, or belting out Phil Collins in the dorm shower at 8 in the morning, the Karaoke Superstar fails to hit the right notes every time. Those in earshot will reel in horror at the audio assault, exclaiming "Oh my God, a cat fell into the blender!" or "It sounds like someone is scraping a cheese grater across 200 feet of blackboard!" The Karaoke Superstar falls under the category of "completely ignorant," believing their vocal stylings to be those of a professional. Frequently an actual Music major, mentioning their shortcomings will result in a major blow to their ego.

THE LUCKY BASTARD
An amorphous presence, he is in your class just to make you feel crappy. He doesn't try, isn't smart, and may even be a mean SOB to people, yet gets lucky breaks in grades/finding a job/getting a girl. For instance he bombs a test but the professor loses it and acknowledges he took the test and gets the class average, or finds an emotionally unstable girl who clings to him and does anything he wants regardless of how he treats her. He also will get a job because of a crappy reason like him and the recruiter like the same baseball player.

THE BALANCED GUY
They're a fairly sociable bunch with lots of common sense, and they have fairly diversified skills. These guys seldom try to draw attention to themselves but also have a healthy amount of self-esteem (Balanced Guys generally don't attack/insult people in any way unless they feel it's warranted). They're willing to learn a little about everything and can be found in places such as the gym lifting weights, or even in a kitchen working on their cooking skills... or....sometimes in their room masturbating to a wide variety of downloaded porn clips. Who knows what Balanced Guy will do next. They aren't spendthrifts, but they aren't penny pinchers, either. They play both sports and video games. When it comes to discussions of any sort, balanced guy keeps an open mind and generally takes a politically "moderate" stance.

SILENT FOREIGN CURVE DESTROYER
Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer has nothing better to do than study. While the average of the rest of the class is a respectable 45%, Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer has approximately a 1351% in the course, thereby totally destroying any chance you had of passing the class. Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer can be identified by the fact that he will be in the library before you get there and stay far after you've left. He will almost certainly wear the same clothing throughout the entire course, and, while he may be human, it's more likely that he's some kind of magic robot.

THE CELLPHONE TERRORIST
The Cellphone Terrorist has the capability to disrupt classes without even being present. They will leave their belongings in class as they go for a bathroom break when, suddenly, the sound of "My Humps" fills the room. Yes, that's The Cellphone Terrorists new ring tone for this week and it isn't going to stop until they return. Those unfortunate enough to be sitting beside The Cellphone Terrorist will hang their head in shame as piercing gazes are shot directly their way.
Upon return, The Cellphone Terrorist will usually check their missed calls and proceed to call said person back by means of a covert coat-over-the-head technique that they have perfected.

FUCKING DISGUSTING C.S. MAJOR
Fucking Disgusting Computer Science Major is the reason that you don’t want to go to class. He bathes roughly once every leap year and wears the same "totally awesome" Japanese video game (the import version was so much better) shirt for half a semester at a time. No matter how far away you get from him, the stench seems to travel across the room and assault your nostrils. Fucking Disgusting Computer Science Major has no time for the English language, and he will often ask questions that make little to no sense and lack any sort of "grammatical structure." He’s the only character that can actually give Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer a run for his money on the intellectual scale, but that’s only because he was probably born with knowledge of linear algebra and differential equations.

AGENDA ASSAILER
The Agenda Assailer has (surprise!) an agenda to push on everyone else. If you’re in, say, a science class you’ll get to hear about how the scientist who discovered some principle was a racist or misogynist and therefore his scholarly work is somehow meaningless. Even though the rest of the class is just there to learn, the Agenda Assailer will attempt to turn every class into a political debate. Here’s an example from a history class:quote:Professor: Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence.AA: How can you even SAY that?!?!?!?! He owned slaves!!!Professor: Well, yes. But he still wrote it.AA: Well then he’s a hypocrite and we should THROW OUT the Declaration of Independence!!!

THE VISIBLE MINORITY
He's the only one in your class, sometimes he makes sure that everyone knows it. Most of the time he's pretty cool tough, you just need to get to know them better. Excels at making you feel bad about random comment you make on his people.

THE ANIME FREAK
Anime Freak is somewhat of a rarity outside of computer science and/or Japanese courses. However, you still might encounter one in some humanities cores. The Anime Freak will always be wearing button down shirts with a dragon or some kind of Dragonball Z character on it. Also, anything with Japanese writing on it is always cool in the eyes of Anime Freak, even if it makes absolutely no sense. Do not approach the Anime Freak outside of class, unless you want to run into a situation like this:quote:You: Hey, what’s up?AF: I think episode 185 of [insert horribly obscure anime show here] is the best because they use the Power of the Light to slay the dragon beast and save the world from total destruction!!!You: Um… I have to go.

THE ENGINEER
One who is rarely seen without a TI-83 Plus or higher model calculator, and actually knows how to, and does, use all the functions of said calculator. Often makes jokes that one outside of the Engineering spectrum will not understand, or makes really horrible ones, or both. Example: "I'm pretty sure it was a zero-force member..." "that's what she said." Takes many science/math courses that are said to "strongly relate to core Engineering" and "provide a base for higher level courses" but in reality 99% of skills in said classes are rarely used.

MAJOR ELITIST
No, he’s not in the military! Ha ha! All blatantly bad jokes aside, the Major Elitist is generally some type of science or engineering major who looks down on anyone who might even think about getting a humanities or business degree. After all, we all know that the only thing that’s important is science. All that other mamby-pansy bullshit like "History" or "English" or "the world economy" is just a bunch of feel-good rhetorical nonsense anyway. Besides, any jackass can get a liberal arts degree!

NON-CONFORMIST CONFORMIST
The Non-Conformist Conformist is an interesting species. While he tries to "fight the man," he is unable to do so without conforming to another group. The Non-Conformist Conformist can be easily identified by his Rage Against the Machine or Che Guevara t-shirt and dark green corduroy pants. During the winter he will be wearing a military field coat from Germany with a patch on the side, and he often carries a wallet on a chain. You can identify him in the classroom because he’ll feel the need to share with the class his opinions of pop culture. He’ll use a condescending tone of voice because he’s better than little sheep like you. That’s all right though because whether it be the punk, goth, or any other subculture, the Non-Conformist Conformist declares boldly, "I choose to not fit in by fitting in with a DIFFERENT group!"

FASHION MONGER
Fashion Monger is on the bleeding edge of fashion! While having some nice clothes is something everyone should invest in, Fashion Monger’s entire wardrobe has been purchased from stores so hip that you've never even heard of them. Apparently, it’s "hip" and "with it" to pay 500 dollars for jeans that were hand stitched by the hardworking people of Taiwan. And, as we all know, 50 dollars for a silk-screened t-shirt is a completely reasonable price, as long as it was designed by an gay Italian man. Yes, nothing says, "I have too much money and not enough common sense" quite like buying clothes with fancy designer labels that are marked up 1000%

THE SOCIABLE SLACKER
This is the guy who went out of his way to talk to you on the first day. Was really personable, seems like a normal, social person. He even suggested trading phone numbers just in case you needed help. Fast forward to the second week of class - he's not there. Same goes for all the classes until right before the midterm when you get a call. "Hey man, what's up? How's it going? Oh yeah, I missed the last class can I borrow all your notes and photocopy them? Yeah, we should go grab a beer one day." No show again until the final where he calls you up again asking for notes. And that beer? A complete fabrication.

PARADISE LOST
Smart, sheltered kid with a childhood full of religious superstition and intimacy issues. Finally gets into a relationship (aka LAID) and gets suicidal when the breakup comes a few months later. Will either hang himself in the woods or emerge as an improved species. Flip a coin.

CEO JUNIOR III
Born to wealth and privilege and toting an ego the size of Australia, CEO Jr. III will rarely be encountered outside of econ, business and business-related courses (like the lower level computer sciences). Much like the Fashion Monger, CJ3 is fascinated by brand names and drops them wherever possible. However, instead of dropping "real" designer names, he'll brag about the cheap shit he bought from Abercrombie last week. Success is what he's aiming for, and he'll probably get there, but only through his dad’s business connections. Like the Study Nazi, he is not particularly bright, though his particular mode of achieving good grades consists of stroking the professor's ego with appropriate questions and office hours schmoozing. Like the Sociable Slacker he is unfailingly cheerful, but his cheeriness, much like everything else about him, is completely insincere. He is astoundingly successful at getting laid for reasons which are at present unknown to science. It's probably best to avoid crossing him in social circumstances since he can wield his people skills like a weapon.

THE SKIMMER
The skimmer is easy to identify. He always sits in the back of lecture halls and is usually asleep 10 minutes into class. It is not uncommon to hear The Skimmer brag about how much studying he didn't do for that quiz coming up. The Skimmer is not usually found in higher level courses.

THE SCOUT
The Scout is always in lecture before you. Even if you show up five minutes early. The Scout will use his backpack, notebook, textbook, or anything larger than a piece of paper to cordon off the entire front row for his or her friends, who show up five minutes after the class has already started.

THE PHANTOM
A completely unremarkable student in every way, THE PHANTOM shows up for classes, does the work, and... that's it. You will never see THE PHANTOM outside of class - Existing on his sheepishness and fueled by his silence, even if you live next door to THE PHANTOM you'll never hear a word of him, sometimes can be combined with Fucking Disgusting Computer Science Major for a truly wholesome experience.

FORMER MILITARY SERVICEMAN
"Well, when I was in Iraq ..."And basically media misrepresentation is the cause of virtually everything bad in society these days.

VALLEY GIRL
Women who appear to be made entirely from bronzed plastic, with lips glossy enough to successfully buff the floor of a shopping mall. Don't bother remembering any of their names, as one valley girl is completely indiscernible from the next. Often seen courting Ugly Assholes.

JOHNNY THREE LEGS
Usually an average-looking, somewhat lanky guy, Johnny Three Legs is extraordinary on one respect: his ten inch penis. Flaccid. How do you know? Well, he's the guy that faces towards everyone else in communal showers. In dorms with individual showers, he dries himself off in public areas, and spends just a bit more time naked than other residents, who usually whip on a towel before they even draw the curtains open. Pity his poor roommate, usually a lonely computer science major that is still a virgin, who is kept up awake at nights from the cries of Johnny Three leg's dates - "Ouch! That hurts! Ungggnmph! Oh yeah ... yes ... God ... OUCH! Let's try it another way .... yes ... oh God ... oh Jesus ... OUCH!"

MADDEN JR.
This student's life revolves around sports. He can quote sports scores, character stats, and just about anything from some obscure game last week. Not only did he watch it, he studied it while his classmates were studying for that quiz he failed. He usually arrives in class approximately 10 minutes late wearing his favorite sports team hat and jacket, only to talk about sports for the entire class. Interestingly, the Madden Jr. rarely, if ever, has any athletic ability of his own, and is often obese due to a diet consisting entirely of nachos.

THE PREMED
The pre-med has a 4.0 cumulative GPA and has junior standing even though he's a first semester sophomore. He's got a >90 average in every class this semester, but is absolutely terrified that he's going to fail them all. Can often be heard making wild assumptions about grading schemes and arguing with the TA over 0.25 point deductions on exams.

BRING ME UP, KNOCK ME DOWN
He/She is a mystery wrapped in an enigma. One day he will roll out of bed, take an exam without studying, and beat you by two full letter grades after you spent the night studying. However, the next day, you show him your 0.96 GPA only to find out that he is maintaining a 0.86 (largely from the fact that he stopped attending a class because it conflicted with his favorite television program.)
He is always there to help. Whatever jam you have yourself in, he will, with ease, find a way to pull you out. However, he will do so with so much reluctance, he makes it sound as though Sisyphus (look it up) had an easy go of things. He will passive aggressively start conversations about what a drag it is being the designated driver, only days after he drove your drunk ass home.
He is the infinite conundrum of friendship. He is always there for you. Unfortunately he is always there.

BABBLING IDIOT
This kid is sort of like intellectual superhero except that he's not really out to prove a point through questions, but rather through his personal experiences. He is in class to spill as many anecdotes as he can possibly think of, which, for the most part, only relate to the subject at hand tangentially. His diatribes are voiced in an overly sincere tone, which I'm sure he believes makes his stories sound more real, true to life, and hard hitting. Amazingly, his stories always tend to agree with the professor's point of view.
You can tell that he thinks he's truly oozing schmooze, and that he's also in love with his own voice. It is unknown to me whether his stories are rambling and incoherent because he's trying to hear his own voice for an extended period of time, or whether he's just a babbling idiot. Evidence suggests: Babbling idiot.

THE WANNA BE COMPUTER GEEK
They can be found in groups often discussing old internet fads while downloading songs and files from P2P networks. Often annoying to the people around them. Will shout out "LOL INTERNETS" at random times and you can hear some old techno songs in the background.

THE COMMENTER
Tends to occupy the center of the room for maximum visibility. Always nods along with the professor. Provides his/her own commentary, largely to herself, during lecture while jotting down notes. Most commonly uttered phrases are variations of: "Oh yeah", "Exactly", "Well, that's interesting".
Example:Prof.: DNA is blueprint for life.Comm.: [Nod] [Nod] Uh-huh. Well, ain't that something
Tip:Avoid eye contact with the commentator as she/he will attempt to direct future insightful remarks in your direction.

VACATION GUY
This guy didn't want to go to college in the first place, but did because he didn't want to disappoint his parents and teachers by not trying. So he picked a party school, never went to class, and treated the whole thing as a $40,000, year long, spring break away from shitty middle class suburbia. Then disappeared to a distant part of the country never to be heard from again.

THE BLONDE ASIAN TAMER
Female in a science degree who probably shouldn't be. However, due to chemicals she emits from her hair, holds sway over Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer or other male Asian students who do her beck and call. Part hive mind, part parasite. Identify by remarks like "This stuff is so hard, Haji, you're so smart" or "What did you get for number 1?". Usually a sub-species of Sally Sorority Chick

The PASSIONATE POLITICO
Whatever wing of the political bird he resides within he'll be damned sure to inject his angry rhetoric and sound bites into any classroom conversation regardless of topic. Often twitchy you can spot an outburst before it happens by looking for a grimaced mouth, spasming eye, tapping foot or softly pounding fist (because he thinks no one will notice), then out comes the insanity.

MR. UNCERTAINTY
Mr. Uncertainty isn't really that bad a guy to have class with, as he's virtually guaranteed never to disrupt the class proceedings. Even when the teacher asks him a question directly, he'll attempt to deflect it through a magical combination of stuttering, fumbling, and vague sentences that trail off in the middle. He probably doesn't take very good notes, but he's there every day in hopes of making up for the fact. He probably has at least two majors and a third concentration that he's considering, but it's all perpetually up in the air since he doesn't really know what he wants to do. Because of this, you'll almost never see him in an advanced-level class, since he's always going back and satisfying the core requirements for a different major.

PROFESSOR CORRECTOR
This student loves to volunteer class time to correct the professors' menial mistakes. Did he say 90% instead of 85%? Was he off an important date by a year? The Corrector will grab this opportunity immediately. Does the textbook back up the professor? Well that's wrong too! The whole world is filled with misinformation, and only this noble lad can spend 20 minutes setting the professor straight as everyone silently whispers "I HATE YOU." They may be a student, but they already years ahead of the class.

OBNOXIOUS CAR DRIVER
Pulling out of the parking deck at the speed limit while letting pedestrians cross will not fly while the OCD is around. Loud tire screeching, reeving, horn honking, and blasted music must be accompanied at even the slowest street. They will outrace and outmaneuver vans in 20 mph zones. They will rev their engine to make sure they reach the stop sign 20 feet away fast enough. Their car is modified to maximize every scrape, screech and scratch to it's highest volumes. If it's not unnecessarily loud, they are not driving.

DRAMA NERD
Often found roaming (or more often loafing) in packs of 4 to 7, the drama nerd is best known for not shutting the fuck up ever and oh god i mean ever regarding new musicals, old musicals, how non-theater majors are intellectually devoid of any redeeming quality, who got cast where, etc. The drama nerd is mostly self-delusional, and if one is to ask it about it's past, the response often involves "well you know I just had the WORST time in high school i mean nobody understood me there but when I got to college I just felt like a BUTTERFLY, able to finally open my creative WINGS" and other such inane metaphors. The Drama nerd does, somehow, get laid all the goddamn time, but only by other Drama nerds, resulting in chain-reaction mega-drama-bombs that will certainly resonate throughout the school because these losers will not shut up about how Johnny Actor face "TOTALLY USED ME" at high volumes in the library during finals week. Somehow possessing both the largest and smallest reserve of self-confidence of any college student simultaneously, ladies and gentlemen: the Drama Nerd.

THE CONVERSATIONALIST
You'll find this one at the back of the class, and they tend to travel in herds. She spends all semester having conversations with the people around her, that have absolutely nothing to do with the class, usually pertaining to her boyfriend, a movie she just saw, or a party she was at/plans to attend. Completely ignorant of the people around her who are actually trying to pay attention to the lecture in a typically difficult subject. Another common trait of The Conversationalist is her apparent lack of any sort of school supplies (including pens, pencils, paper, and the freaking textbook) Sociologists have theorized that this is a subconscious ploy designed to draw more people into The Conversationalist's tangled web of distraction.
The Conversationalist is more prevalent in community colleges or lower level classes and tends to drop classes the day before the drop date, just in time to add all of her soon to be ex-classmates to her cell phone.

THE FACULTY MEMBER
This is a student who has become very involved and uses his major as a replacement for a social life. He may, or may not work in the department office, but you'll see him wandering around the office anyway, chatting up the actual faculty. Maybe having lunch in the waiting area. He's only annoying when you actually have a class with him and he takes on the role of a teaching assistant.

THE JACKASS OF ALL TRADES
This man is seemingly adept in all subjects, and will boast about it too. Hear him complain about how easy his last Abstract Algebra exam was, how he wrote his African paper two hours before its due and how little he prepared for his sociology presentation. His weakness is poor social skills. Ask about his girlfriend for massive emotional baggage!

PHILOSOPHER STONER
Easily identifiable by his red eyes, incoherent speech, and the lingering stench of marijuana, the philosopher stoner may or may not be a member of NORML, and probably won't go to class very often. On the off chance that he actually attends a class, god forbid the professor mention anything related to drugs, because suddenly the philosopher stoner will turn into a walking, talking version of erowid.com.

I'M TO IMPORTANT TO BE HERE GIRL
This girl is much too busy to do something as menial as class. She's in a sorority, she's in the student senate and she's got a boyfriend on the lacrosse team. She treats class like it's a bother- much like a PTA meeting. During the entire class period, her blistered thumbs are hammering at the tiny keys on her super expensive new cell phone that Daddy's bought her three times because she keeps wearing it out. Whenever the professor asks her to stop her hammering, her face curls up worse than Reese Witherspoon's after eating out an asshole.

DEER IN HEADLIGHT CHICK
Normally, she's quiet. She's so quiet she'll duck down when the professor looks to ask questions. The second she's called on to give a speech, her entire body tenses up. Very rarely will a word escape her mouth that's not "Uhhh" or "Like". She's known for freezing up for periods of greater than one minute during in-class presentations, much to everyone else's amusement.

THE SNIPER
This is the kid, usually a male, who sits in the back of the class and will constantly spout out smart ass remarks at the professor in an attempt to act like he really doesn't really care for the class and thinks he is super cool cause he can be so disrespectful in class. But this guy is important cause when the class starts dragging and getting boring, he can usually lighten the mood. Annoying and funny at the same time.

THE REDNECK
This poor troglodyte managed to get into the college because he went to a backwoods school composed entirely of trailers in a swamp, where 4.0 gpas are a dime a dozen, and anyone can pass the classes practically by attending. Unfortunately, he is probably going to fail multiple classes in a semester and drop out soon. Unattractive, disgusting hygiene, has a taste for inferior websites, loves to hunt, sometimes wears camouflage to class, attends every athletic event, and likes to "Git-R-Dun" occasionally. Nothing more than a friendly nuisance on his own, he is a very dangerous animal in the company of others exactly the same.

I STUDIED ABROAD AND IT CHANGED MY LIFE
This person has spent anywhere from 3-12 months in a country that isn't too different from our own, but it's sooo much better. It's so cultured and you can drink without having the draconian American laws over your back. Most of this student's stories involve getting drunk and hooking up with a creepy older gentleman or passing out on the couch interspersed with some sightseeing. But it changed her life, like OMG i totally know how people in other countries live and I'll keep talking and talking and talking about it.

QUIET SMART SLACKER
Normally found in one of the back rows but not the very back as he is trying to blend in. Doesn't say much in class, only being social when he has to or with people he knows outside of class. Won't disrupt class but if called on will answer correctly. Pays attention, but doesn't always do work, or work hard. Shows up to class 80% of the time, but does 40% of the outside work/study time. Graduates in 5-6 years with a 3.0 but only because of intelligence and test scores, not effort (as shown in number of years taken to graduate).

THE ANNOYING CLONE
This is a person you meet in the class that you share the same interests and hobbies. At first you enjoy talking and hanging out with them, but then all they do is constantly talk about the same interests and never want to talk about anything else, and every day they want to hang out after class and do something related to the point it drives you insane. In the end you end up hating both the person, and what you enjoyed.

THE CONVERTER
This guy or gal is a shining beacon of their Religion, and will attempt to bring it to light every chance they get, and attempt to get you to believe in whatever it is they believe. Anytime your classes mention faith, she is the first to preach to the entire class, and say that her deity is what everyone needs to follow

THE HERETIC
Exact opposite of The Converter, this person hates all forms of Religion and despises God. Used to be devoted to a faith, but lost his or her faith through some event in the past, such as a major physical/psychological trauma. This person loves to quote John Milton, and argue with others who believe in God.

THE COMPUTER DUMMY
Cannot use a computer or any technology to save their life. This person will rely on you to help them type up reports, assignments, or use excel/power point/access for projects. Will also become dazzled if they see you playing any kind of video game or watching a DVD in your dorm, and will want to learn more about it.

THE LOVE-HATER:
The guy/girl who's too cool for romance, and has to insult every couple that passes their way. Whether staring, snickering, or outright making an idiotic comment, the love-hater somehow tries to be "different" by not looking for an opportunity to pass on their genes. Needless to say, these types are usually at home practicing their five-knuckle shuffle.

THE "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT" NINJA:
These people are ninjas in disguise, often lurking amongst the normal people. They seem nice at first, but when they come to the part of the discussion of majors, the inevitable question of "What are you going to do with that?" comes up. Usually in a patronizing tone, they also carry shiruken... too bad that the weapons are so far up their a$$es that they can't utilize them.

THE WANNA-BE JOCK:
The chubby idiot in the back of the classes, busy bragging about the amazing three pointer he pulled in a game with the boys. However, if studied in its natural habitat, the Wanna-be Jock can be seen getting the only sports exposure from a video game console. NOTE: If encountering one of these during its ritualistic video gaming, beware of celebrations. They often involve screaming and waving when they get an extra point on Madden NFL.

THE YING-YANGER:
Found in most of the female population in college settings, the Ying-Yangers are those who, if approached by someone athletic, will swoon and bend to their every whim. However, if approached by someone of the least bit imperfection, the Ying-Yanger will sneer in disgust... if providing a reaction at all.

THE NON-STREET GANGSTA:
Often seen wearing designer clothes, the NSG is often male. They talk street, smoke pot, and pretend that they are the toughest thing around. Often found hiding from real fights or blasting rap music from a dorm window in hopes to attract a mate.

THE THREAT:
Black trench coat. Few words. Odd knowledge about weapons. And somehow, he always seems to sit next to you in class.

THE APATHETIC GENIUS
The apathetic genius is the pinnacle of wasted potential. He shows up to most of his classes, and is minorly sociable. He is involved in class discussions but will never write a single page of notes, never does any extra credit or optional assignments, and never even reads the textbook or studies. Despite this he will consistently get A's and B's in every class he takes, all while exerting no apparent effort. This person probably has the ability to cure cancer some day, but years of being unchallenged and socially shunned will lead him to drop out after his first or second year.

THE DUDE WHO KNOWS FUCKING EVERYONE
Everywhere you go, this guy knows somebody he has to high five and chat with for a little bit. He probably grew up in the area, has an outgoing personality, and is involved in a wide variety of activities that breach many social circles. Generally liked, although he may be too outgoing for some people. Generally doesn't have a lot of close friends, but makes up for it in sheer volume. This is the guy to talk to if you're interested in a new hobby, want to join a club, or just want to meet new people. May do incredibly outrageous things to get even more attention.

THE R.A.
The R.A. lives to fuck up your social life. Lurking behind every dark shadow; The R.A. springs to action and stomps out any signs of fun, ranging from a friendly game of Bingo to a raging smörgåsbord orgy. This guy, often hated by many feels because he is getting free housing owes it to his said college to annoy all with his passive –aggressive confrontational vendetta against all on campus students. All that is missing is a whistle, and a safety badge. Often useless, The R.A. does come in handy when the PHILOSOPHER STONER, JOHNNY FRAT BOY - or - SALLY SORORITY CHICK locks themselves out at 4am.

MAN-HATING FEMINIST
Usually found in Women's Studies or English classes. They find enjoyment in discussing how the standard of beauty is too high and how the opposite sex has taken over the world. They also tend to wear clothing that shows off cleavage in order to show that they are comfortable with their bodies. They tend to be loud in class discussions and easily annoyed by male classmates. Almost every conversation turns into a discussion of how men are degrading women.

I-PLACED-INTO-HIGHER-LEVEL-CLASSES-YOU-SHOULD-THINK-I'M-THE-SHIT-CAUSE-I-DO!
This individual is a Freshman, who managed to get placed into upper level courses. Because of this, he will establish a heightened feeling of self-worth, and will consider himself to be a worthy equal to the majors in said department. Will bring up the fact that they are a FRESHMAN at every opportunity, and will become confounded when the upperclassmen in the same major aren't fawning over him or trying to suck his cock out of amazement at how awesome he must be, because he's taking upper level classes, but he's merely a FRESHMAN. Will most likely be despised by all other majors of the department, but will remain oblivious to this fact and try to strike up pointless conversation, mostly focusing on how they are a FRESHMAN TAKING THE SAME CLASS AS YOU. If it is a language course, they will try to chat in that language, regardless of the fact that you won't understand what-the-fuck. Not because they're better than you, but in their pretentious righteousness, they don't realize they completely suck at it.

THE SILENT, STRAIGHT-LACED GEM
This girl is rather shy, quite studious, probably pretty conservative, and usually somewhat attractive in a sort of clean, traditional, classic way. Sometimes, her quietness or straight face may be misinterpreted as indifference or the "get away from me" look, but once you get to know her, she is actually quite nice and makes a decent friend. She doesn't drink or smoke - not because she's a "goody two-shoes", but because she genuinely has no desire to. This girl may end up a loner if she's not careful - spending countless hours locked away in her dorm room, reading, or (if she pushes herself a little) can be found actually socializing. Gets along with most people, has a decent social circle, but holds just a few close friends. May need a little push to get involved in activities. Makes a reliable friend. Is a hard worker, but can enjoy having fun too.

THE SKATER
Usually listens to "emo" music and wears nothing but skate brands, sagging jeans with a belt and t-shirt (sometimes a hoodie and a beanie). The skater is rarely seen without skateboard in hand. He is not particularly bright, nor does he say much. These types when not skateboarding through campus by themselves travel in pacts.

THE WANNABE
This type pretends to know everything about a few subjects and will attempt to impress you with their extensive knowledge on said subject. Often times someone who actually knows what they are talking about will correct the wannabe, however the wannabe will argue his or her side until someone presents them with hard evidence that they were actually wrong. The wannabe will change their personality according to who they are with. No one knows what the wannabe is actually like because he/she is always changing.

THE INDIE KID
The indie kid is the guy/girl who wear nothing but vintage cloths purchase from thrift stores and listens to music by bands that nobody has ever heard of. Indie kids stick together, always involved in some sort of "intellectual" conversation about a worldly event (past or present) that everybody is not talking about. Often times the indie kid will go out of his or her way to mention something obscure to give themselves "indie cred".

THE EDUCATION MAJOR
As a freshman, the education major parties excessively, because he or she knows in subsequent years, they won't be able to have any more late nights out due to having to go to field experience at a local school. The education major finds themselves wishing they could sign up for an 8 AM class because it feels like sleeping in when he or she compares it to waking up for field or student teaching at 5:30 in the morning.

470 Comments:

Anonymous said...

Man. That was bloody funny!

Anonymous said...

I love you.

Anonymous said...

You write well. I have a proposition to make you involving your rants. You can contact me at Chris@christhecreator.com

Anonymous said...

fucking awesome.

you win a million internets

Anonymous said...

Solid truth.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! You should spell check though.

Anonymous said...

that was nice

I think i'm the anime/sniper

SOGEKING!!!

http://www.gnarfard.com

Anonymous said...

I'm definitely the jackass of all trades.

Anonymous said...

dot dot line little long for me

Anonymous said...

That was awesome, someone should make a quiz out of this

Anonymous said...

you forgot one:
Judgy McJudgment Maker.

this person believes that they are better than all the above classifications, and because of this, he has spent a large amount of time classifying people he does not like, into lists that are far to long in a pathetic effort to amuse people.


that being said i did read all of this. and because i am a good sport, will say that if you combine the white rastafarian with the balanced guy and the quiet smart slacker, you would pretty much have me lol.

Anonymous said...

That was amazing, you deserve an award.

Anonymous said...

Genious

Anonymous said...

Makes perfect sense. I'm the rotc cadet/social disorder guy. but you ommited something about the They live at the coffee shop: They're inhumanly bipolar and can't take a joke

RaginScotsman said...

Great blog man,I dont know which one I am,I think its something other people can tell but you cant cos no matter which one you'd like to be you're probably the man hating feminist....in spite of having a penis,damn!

Anonymous said...

Win.

Anonymous said...

cool story bro

Anonymous said...

haha i think im quiet smart slacker/skater/guy with inhuman halo skillz lol also weed is good

Anonymous said...

tl;dr

I'm a judgmental douchebag with nothing better to do than type this bullshit out that nobody will honestly ever read in it's entirety.

Anonymous said...

im deer in headlight / anime freak / night owl / they live at the coffee shop / 1 hit wonder aaaaannnnd The baby face since i left high scholl when i was 15 and im just about to start college just before my 16th x3

出張ホスト said...

女性会員様増加につき、当サイトの出張ホストが不足中です。女性の自宅やホテルに出向き、欲望を満たすお手伝いをしてくれる男性アルバイトをただいま募集していますので、興味のある方はTOPページから無料登録をお願いいたします

Unknown said...

i am the apathetic genius <:-]

家出 said...

最近様々なメディアで紹介されている家出掲示板では、全国各地のネットカフェ等を泊り歩いている家出少女のメッセージが多数書き込みされています。彼女たちはお金がないので掲示板で知り合った男性とすぐに遊びに行くようです。あなたも書き込みに返事を返してみませんか

Anonymous said...

You're just another piece of shit VTech chink waiting to happen. Type out a "funny" description for that one.

Anyone who can relate to any of this tripe should just kill themselves now.

救援部 said...

オ○ニーライフのお手伝い、救援部でHな見せたがり女性からエロ写メ、ムービーをゲットしよう!近所の女の子なら実際に合ってHな事ができちゃうかも!?夏で開放的になっている女の子と遊んじゃおう

倶楽部 said...

簡単にお小遣い稼ぎをしたい方必見、当サイト逆¥倶楽部では無料登録して女性の性の欲求に応えるだけのアルバイトです。初心者でもすぐに高収入の逆¥交際に興味をもたれた方はTOPページまでどうぞ。

プロフ公開 said...

サイト作成は初めてでぇす。プロフは友達も作ってたので私も頑張って作成しました。プロフもってる人はメル友になって見せ合いっこしませんか?メアドのせてるので連絡ください。love-friend0925@docomo.ne.jp

素人 said...

男性が主役の素人ホストでは、女性の体を癒してあげるだけで高額な謝礼がもらえます。欲求不満な人妻や、男性と出逢いが無い女性が当サイトで男性を求めていらっしゃいます。興味のある方はTOPページからどうぞ

SM度チェッカー said...

あなたのSM度をかんたん診断、SM度チェッカーで隠された性癖をチェック!真面目なあの娘も夜はドS女王様、ツンデレなあの子も実はイジめて欲しい願望があるかも!?コンパや飲み会で盛り上がること間違いなしのおもしろツールでみんなと盛り上がろう

セフレ said...

男性なら一人くらいは作ってみたいセフレですが、実は女性もいつでもSEXしたいときにできる友達がほしいと思っているのです。そのような彼女たちの欲求を満たしてあげませんか

デリバリーホスト said...

女性向け風俗サイトで出張デリバリーホストをしてみませんか?時給2万円の高額アルバイトです。無料登録をしてあとは女性からの呼び出しを待つだけなので、お試し登録も歓迎です。興味をもたれた方は今すぐどうぞ。

チェッカー said...

SM度チェッカーで隠された性癖をチェック!外見では分からない男女のSM指数をチェックして相性のいい相手を見つけ、SMプレイしてみよう!合コンや飲み会で盛り上がること間違いなしのおもしろツールをみんなとやってみよう

熟女サークル said...

性欲のピークを迎えたセレブ熟女たちは、お金で男性を買うことが多いようです。当、熟女サークルでは全国各地からお金持ちのセレブたちが集まっています。女性から男性への報酬は、 最低15万円からとなっております。興味のある方は一度当サイト案内をご覧ください

グリー said...

ネットで恋人探しなら、グリーをおすすめします。ここからあなたの理想の恋愛関係がはじまります。純粋な出会いから、割り切ったエッチな出会いまで何でもあります。ミクシーから女の子が大量流入中!ココだけの話、今が狙い目です

Ink said...

I really loved reading this. I think I match, well in hybrid-format, some of your categories. But then again I think you were being a unfair at times - I mean Reese Witherspoon licking out from a LOL and the man-hating feminist showing her cleavage: well, that's the style nowadays so if she says that's her in comfort can't entirely blame her though you also did say Muscles McFlaunty is kinda like her too. Oh yeah, though I love Mythology I had to look up Sisyphus GREAT COMPARISON.

This is EXTREMELY WELL WRITTEN AND AWESOMELY CREATIVE. Though not everyone would fit in your categories or it may not be a 100% accurate it is a good write.

セレブ said...

セレブラブでは心とカラダに癒しを求めるセレブ女性と会って頂ける男性を募集しています。セレブ女性が集まる当サイトではリッチな彼女たちからの謝礼を保証、安心して男性はお金、女性は体の欲求を満たしていただけます。興味がある方は当サイトトップページからぜひどうぞ

プロフ said...

携帯アドのせておきました。恥ずかしい写真とか乗せてるけど、許してください。ネット友達探してるのでよかったら連絡ください。for-a-sweetheart@docomo.ne.jp

ゲイ said...

ゲイの数が飛躍的に増えている現代、彼らの出逢いの場は雑誌やハッテン場からネットに移り変わってきています。当サイトは日本最大のゲイ男性の交流の場を目指して作られました。おかげさまで会員数も右肩上がりに伸びています。ゲイの方や興味のある方はぜひ当サイトをご覧ください。

家出 said...

家出した少女たちは今晩泊る所がなく、家出掲示板で遊び相手を探しているようです。ご飯をおごってあげたり、家に泊めてあげるだけで彼女たちは体でお礼をしてくれる娘が多いようです

素人 said...

さびしい女性や、欲求不満な素人女性たちを心も体も癒してあげるお仕事をご存じですか?女性宅やホテルに行って依頼主の女性とHしてあげるだけで高額の謝礼を手に入れる事が出来るのです。興味のある方は当サイトTOPページをご覧ください

公開プロフ said...

最近いい事ない人集合!話聞いて欲しいって時ないですか?やけに寂しいんですよね。私も聞くので私のも聞いてください。メアド乗せておくのでメールから始めましょうfull-of-hope@docomo.ne.jp

高額アルバイト said...

性欲を持て余し、欲求不満になっている女性を金銭の対価を得て、癒して差し上げるお仕事です。参加にあたり用紙、学歴等は一切問いません。高額アルバイトに興味のある方はぜひどうぞ

右脳左脳チェッカー said...

パーティーや合コンでも使える右脳左脳チェッカー!あなたの頭脳を分析して直観的な右脳派か、理詰めな左脳派か診断出来ます。診断結果には思いがけない発見があるかも!みんなで診断して盛り上がろう

出張ホスト said...

女性会員様増加につき、出張ホストのアルバイトが不足中です。ホテルや女性の自宅に出向き、彼女たちの欲望を満たすお手伝いをしてくれる男性アルバイトをただいま募集しております。興味のある方はTOPページをご覧ください

友達募集 said...

美容院いってきた記念に写メを更新しました。結構気に入ってるんですけどどうですか?メール乗せておくのでメッセお待ちしてるなりmiracle.memory@docomo.ne.jp

家出掲示板 said...

最近雑誌やTVで紹介されている家出掲示板では、全国各地のマンガ喫茶等を泊り歩いている家出少女のメッセージが多数書き込みされています。彼女たちはお金がないので掲示板で知り合った男性の家にでもすぐに遊びに行くようです。あなたも書き込みに返事を返してみませんか

童貞 said...

童貞を奪ってみたい女性たちは、男性にとって「初体験」という一生に一度だけの、特別なイベントを共に心に刻み込むことを至上の喜びにしているのです。そんな童貞好きな女性たちと最高のSEXをしてみませんか

プロフ said...

プロフ作ったわいいけど見てくれる人いなくて少し残念な気分に陥ってます。意見でもいいので見た方がいましたら一言コメント送ってくだしゃいメアドのせているのでよろしくでしゅapotheosis@docomo.ne.jp

乱交パーティー said...

乱交パーティー実施サークル、「FREE SEX NET」では人に見られること、人に見せつける事が大好きな男女が集まり、乱交パーティーを楽しむサークルです。参加条件は「乱交が好きな18歳以上の健康な方」です。興味がある方はぜひ当サイトをご覧ください

家出 said...

家出している女の子と遊んでみませんか?彼女たちはお金に困っているので、掲示板で知り合ったいろんな男の家を泊り歩いている子も多いのです。そんな子たちとの出逢いの場を提供しています

gree said...

ネットで恋人探しなら、greeをおすすめします。ここからあなたの理想の恋愛関係が始まります。純粋な出逢いから、割り切ったHな出逢いまで何でもあります。ミクシーから女の子が大量流入中!ココだけの話、今が狙い目です

逆¥交際 said...

出会ぃも今は逆¥交際!オンナがオトコを買う時代になりました。当サイトでは逆援希望の女性が男性を自由に選べるシステムを採用しています。経済的に成功を収めた女性ほど金銭面は豊かですが愛に飢えているのです。いますぐTOPページからどうぞ

プロフ said...

世界の中心で貴方を叫ぶような恋がしたいんです。愛に飢えているゆいと恋バナ話ませんか?メアドのっけてるので気になる方は連絡頂戴ねuna-cima@docomo.ne.jp

出張ホスト said...

女性向け風俗サイトで出張ホストをしてみませんか?時給2万円以上の高額アルバイトです。無料登録をしてあとは女性からの呼び出しを待つだけでOK、お試し登録も歓迎です。興味をもたれた方は今すぐどうぞ。

彼氏募集 said...

友達の前では少し強がって彼氏なんかいらないって言ってしまうけど、やっぱ本音では欲しいです、夜は寒いし寂しいし私の本音に気付いてください。メアド乗せておくので優しい方連絡くださいtoward.the-future@docomo.ne.jp

若妻 said...

セレブと言われる世の若妻は男に飢えています、特に地位が邪魔して出会いが意外と少ないから、SEXサークルを通じて日頃のストレス発散に毎日男を買い漁っています。ここは彼女達ご用達の口コミサイトです

家出 said...

一人で家出したんだけど助けてほしいです。今まで強がってました。もう親には頼れない…super-love.smile@docomo.ne.jp

お宝映像 said...

激レア映像!芸能人のお宝映像を一挙公開中!無料登録するだけでレアなお宝映像やハプニング画像が取り放題、期間限定の動画も見逃せない

熟女 said...

仕事を辞めてください。一日で今の月収を超えるお誘いがあります。某有名セレブ熟女の強い要望により少しの間、恋人契約という女性からのお申し込みがありました。今までは地位や名誉のために頑張ってこられたようでございますが年齢を重ね、寂しさが強くなってきたようでございます。男性との時間を欲しがっている女性に癒しを与えてくださいませ

1人H said...

1人Hのお手伝い、救援部でHな見せたがり女性からエロ写メ、ムービーをゲットしよう!近所の女の子なら実際に合ってHな事ができちゃうかも!?開放的な女の子と遊んじゃおう

メール said...

ストーカーの追い回されて怖いんです。毎日夜になると非通知電話多いし怖い。。。助けてくださいpeach-.-girl@docomo.ne.jp

スタビ said...

復活、スタービーチ!日本最大の友達探しサイトがついに復活、進化を遂げた新生スタービーチをやってみませんか?理想のパートナー探しの手助け、合コンパーティー等も随時開催しています。楽しかった頃のスタビを体験しよう

処女 said...

「友達の中で処女なのは私だけ…でも恥ずかしくて処女だなんて言えない、誰でもイイからバージンを貰ってほしい!」そんな女性が沢山いる事をご存じですか?出合いが無かった、家が厳格だった等の理由でHを経験したことがない女性がたくさんいるのです。当サイトはそんな女性たちと男性を引き合わせるサイトです

メアド開運 said...

メアド開運、あなたの使ってるメアドを診断出来ちゃうサイト!吉と出るか凶と出るかはあなた次第、普段使ってるメアドの金運、恋愛運が測定できちゃいます

逆¥交際 said...

今話題の逆¥交際!あなたはもう体験しましたか?当サイトでは逆援希望の女性が男性を自由に選べるシステムを採用しています。成功を収めた女性ほど金銭面は豊かですが愛に飢えているのです。いますぐTOPページからどうぞ

豪華賞品 said...

只今、シャープ32型液晶テレビ、PS3等、豪華商品が当たるキャンペーンを実施中!まずは欲しい商品を選び、メールアドレスを登録して無料エントリー!その場で当たりが出たら賞品ゲットできます。抽選に外れた方もWチャンスで商品券等が当たります。ぜひチャレンジして下さい

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副収入 said...

一夜限りの割り切ったお付き合いで副収入が得られる交際サイトのご案内です。アルバイト感覚での挑戦もできる、安心の無料登録システムを採用しておりますので、興味のある方は当サイトへぜひどうぞ

メル友 said...

彼氏にDVされて、ちょっと男性不信です。でも、恋愛して彼氏も作りたいと思ってるので、優しく接してくれる人を探してます。連絡待ってまぁす! pretty-toy-poodle@docomo.ne.jp

神待ち said...

家出をして不安な少女たちの書込が神待ち掲示板に増えています。一日遊んであげたり、家に招いて泊まらせてあげるだけで、彼女たちはあなたに精一杯のお礼をしてくれるはずです

乱交 said...

全国乱交連盟主催、スワップパーティーに参加しませんか?初めての方でも安心してお楽しみいただけるパーティーです。参加費は無料、開催地も全国に120ヶ所ありますので気軽に参加してお楽しみ下さい

アブノーマル said...

SM・露出・スワッピング・レズ・女装・フェチなど…普通じゃ物足りないあなたが思う存分楽しめる世界!貴方だけのパートナーを探してみませんか?アブノーマルでしか味わえない至福の時をお過ごしください

セレブラブ said...

セレブラブでは毎月10万円を最低ラインとする謝礼を得て、セレブ女性に快楽を与える仕事があります。無料登録した後はメールアプローチを待つだけでもOK、あなたも当サイトで欲求を満たしあう関係を作ってみませんか

裏バイト said...

簡単に大金を稼ぐことができる裏バイトがあります。女性が好きな方、健康な方なら日給3万円以上の収入を得ることも可能です。興味のある方はHPをご覧ください

救援部 said...

一人Hを男性に見てもらうことで興奮する女性が多数いることをご存じですか?当サイト、救援部ではそんな女性たちが多数登録されています。男性会員様は彼女たちのオ○ニーを見てあげるだけで謝礼を貰えるシステムとなっております。

メル友募集 said...

冬に1人ボッチで家でご飯とかオヤスミなんて寂しすぎるょ~~っ!こんなところに書き込んだら削除されちゃいそうだけど少しでもきっかけ作らなくっちゃと思って書いてみましたっ!!気軽に会ったり出来たりする方ってこの掲示板見てませんか~!?良かったらメールくださいね★フリメだったら私気付けないんで携帯のアドレス乗せておくねっ!! love-sexy@docomo.ne.jp

失恋 said...

失恋は心に深い傷を残します。その傷を癒す特効薬、それは新しい出会い。あなたの心を癒す、素晴らしい出会いを当サイトで見つけて、笑顔を取り戻してください

高額バイト said...

高額バイトのご案内です。欲求不満になっている女性を癒して差し上げるお仕事です。参加にあたり用紙、学歴等は一切問いません。高収入を稼ぎたい、女性に興味のある方はぜひどうぞ

交際 said...

スタービーチの突然の閉鎖、優良な友達探しサイトが無くなってしまいましたが、新生・スタービーチがここに復活しました!、進化を遂げた新生スタービーチをやってみませんか?理想の交際探しの手助け、合コンパーティー等も随時開催しています。楽しかった頃のスタビを体験しよう

神待ちサイト said...

「家出してるんで、泊まるところないですか?」家出救済神待ちサイトには毎日このような女の子からの書き込みがされています。彼女たちはホテルや家に泊まらせてあげたり、遊んであげるだけであなたに精一杯のお礼をしてくれるはずです

露出 said...

普通のプレイじゃ絶対味わえない快感、それは野外露出プレイ。最初は嫌がっていた女も次第にハマっていって、その内それが快感に変わってきます。野外露出プレイで興奮度アップ間違い無し

友達 said...

早い時期に結婚してしまって、少し後悔しているんです。私は、今の夫しか経験が無くって、このままでいいのかなって…。思うようになってきてしまって…冒険はしたいんですけど、やっぱりばれたりしたら怖いので…割り切りで会える方って居ませんでしょうか?連絡お待ちしてますね♪最初に年齢を教えてくれるとうれしいです。pop-music-lo-ve@docomo.ne.jp

人妻 said...

Hな人妻たちの社交場、割り切った付き合いも当然OK!欲求不満のエロ人妻たちを好みに合わせてご紹介します。即会い、幼な妻、セレブ、熟女、SM妻、秘密、以上6つのジャンルから遊んでみたい女性を選んでください

サイドビジネス said...

1日5万円~が手に入るサイドビジネスのご案内です。男狂いのセレブ女性はネットで知り合った男を次々に金の力で食い散らかしています。そんな女性を手玉にとって大金を稼いでみませんか

Hチェッカー said...

みんなで楽しめるHチェッカー!簡単な設問に答えるだけであなたの隠されたH度数がわかっちゃいます!あの人のムッツリ度もバレちゃう診断を今すぐ試してみよう

家出 said...

最近流行の家出掲示板では、各地のネットカフェ等を泊り歩いている家出少女のメッセージが多数書き込みされています。彼女たちはお金がないので掲示板で知り合った男性の家にでもすぐに泊まりに行くようです。あなたも書き込みに返事を返してみませんか

高収入アルバイト said...

性欲を持て余し、欲求不満になっている女性を金銭の対価を得て、癒して差し上げるお仕事です。参加にあたり用紙、学歴等は一切問いません。高収入アルバイトに興味のある方はぜひどうぞ

高級チェリー said...

童貞を奪ってみたい女性たちは、男性にとって「初体験」という一生に一度だけの、特別なイベントを共に心に刻み込むことを至上の喜びにしているのです。そんな童貞好きな女性たちと高級チェリーで最高のSEXをしてみませんか

困っています。 said...

最近寂しくて困っています。夜一人で寝るのが凄く寂しいです…隣で添い寝してくれる男性いませんか?見た目とか特に気にしません。優しくて一緒にいてくれる方大歓迎☆一緒に布団で温まりましょう♪shart.enamorado.de-me@docomo.ne.jp

副収入 said...

一晩の割り切ったお付き合いで副収入が得られるサイトのご案内です。アルバイト感覚での挑戦もできる、安心の無料登録システムを採用しておりますので、興味のある方は当サイトをぜひご覧ください

スタービーチ said...

復活、スタービーチ!日本最大の友達探しサイトがついに復活、進化を遂げた新生スタビをやってみませんか?理想のパートナー探しの手助け、合コンパーティー等も随時開催しています。楽しかった頃のスタビを体験しよう

モテる度チェッカー said...

なかなか彼氏、彼女が出来ない君達の深層心理を徹底解明♪みんなでモテる度チェックをやって結果交換も自由、合コンや休み時間はモテる度チェックで暇つぶし!次にモテ期が訪れる瞬間をズバリ診断しちゃいます

¥倶楽部 said...

出会ぃも今は¥倶楽部!オンナがオトコを買う時代になりました。当サイトでは逆援希望の女性が男性を自由に選べるシステムを採用しています。経済的に成功を収めた女性ほど金銭面は豊かですが愛に飢えているのです。いますぐTOPページからどうぞ

野外露出 said...

今迄は野外露出がマイナスイメージと囚われがちですが、実際は開放的な気分になり有名人のヌーディストが、オープンになる事を推奨してるぐらいです。このサイトをキッカケに知り合った娘達と野外で楽しみませんか

高級 said...

どうしても相手がセレブだと高級感が有り、近付きにくいと思われがちですが、実際はただ欲望のままに快楽を追い求める、セレブとは掛け離れた女性が居るだけです。今こそ自分の欲望を満たすときです

人妻 said...

最近旦那とマンネリで全然Hしてません。正直もうかなり欲求不満です…誰か相手してくれる方いませんか?空いている時間は多いと思うので都合は合わせやすいと思います。お互い楽しめる関係になりたいな。人妻でも平気な人いたら是非相手してください☆一応18歳以上の人限定でお願いします。上はどこまででも大丈夫なんで excellent.lady@docomo.ne.jp

ライブチャット said...

当サイトでは無料でオナ動画を見ることができます。また、ライブチャット機能でリアルタイムオ○ニーを見るチャンスも高く、興奮間違いなしです。また、一人Hのお手伝いを希望される女性もあり、お手伝いいただけた方には謝礼をお支払いしております

スタービーチ said...

日本最大、だれもが知っている出会い系スタービーチがついに復活、進化を遂げた新生スタビをやってみませんか?趣味の合う理想のパートナー探しの手助け、合コンパーティー等も随時開催しています。楽しかった頃のスタビで遊んでみよう

モテる度 said...

あなたの異性からのモテ度数を診断できる、モテる度チェッカー!日頃モテモテで充実しているあなたもそうでないニートの方も隠されたモテスキルを測定して結果を活用し、今以上にモッテモテになること間違いなし

救援部 said...

女性のオナニーを助ける場が救援部です。ここに所属してる娘のオナニーを見て気に入ったら、実際に会ってオナニーを手伝っても良いし、エッチしても良し、これで報酬Get出来るんですから美味しいバイトですよ

スタービーチ said...

一時代を築いたスタービーチは閉鎖になりましたが、もう一度楽しい思いをしたい、もう一度出会いたいと思う有志により再度復活しました。本家以上に簡単に出会えて楽しい思いを約束します

アダルトSNS said...

昨日友達とセフレを作るのが難しいな~、出会い系サイトの規制が厳しいはとか話してて、アダルトSNSのサイトが今のところは狙い目やって聞いたから使ってみたけど、近場で楽にセフレを作れてホンマ手軽やはwww

女に生れて来たからには!! said...

誰にも言えない秘密があります。実はとってもHなんです、せっかく女として生まれたからにはアブノーマルな世界に飛び込んでみたいです☆普段では考えられないプレイを思う存分楽しみ、経験したいんです♪快楽に溺れさせてくれませんか?一緒に感じ合いましょう!!都合はつくのですぐに時間を合わせられます。18歳よりも上の方がいいです!! quietness@docomo.ne.jp

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流出 said...

流出サイトでは、有名人から素人までの他では見れない秘蔵の動画を入手しています。何より素人が相手の場合に限り、アポを採る事も可能です。動画でお手軽に抜いて、抜き足らない場合は、女の子にハメて来て下さい

グリー said...

日本最大級、だれもが知っている出会い系スタービーチがついに復活、グリーより面白い新生スタビをやってみませんか?趣味の合う理想のパートナー探し、合コンパーティーに興味がある方はぜひ無料登録してみてください。楽しかった頃のスタビで遊んでみよう

SM度チェッカー said...

あなたのSM度を簡単診断、SM度チェッカーで隠された性癖をチェック!真面目なあの娘も夜はドS女王様、ツンデレなあの子も実はイジめて欲しい願望があるかも!?コンパや飲み会で盛り上がること間違いなしのおもしろツールでみんなと盛り上がろう

リッチセックス said...

女性には風俗がない!そんな悩みを持つセレブ女たちは、リッチセックスでお金を使い自分を満たします。金銭面では豊かですが、愛に飢えている彼女たちを癒して高額な報酬を手に入れてみませんか

神待ち said...

女子○生の個人情報公開!?遊び盛りの神待ち女子○生の写メ・アドレス・番号を公開中!好みの女の子を選んで直メ・直電で今すぐ待ち合わせしよう

高級チェリー said...

高級チェリーの冬は童貞卒業のシーズンです。童貞を食べたい女性達もウズウズしながら貴方との出会いを待っています。そんな女性達に童貞を捧げ、貴方もハッピーライフを送ってみませんか

友達募集中 said...

初書き込みで申し訳ないんですが、都合のいい男性探しています。不況の中でも会社が高成長してて、忙しい毎日です。お陰でプライベートが充実していなくって、溜まる一方です。財産的にも多少余裕が今のところあるのでお礼もできます。何より、この書き込みが読まれているのかちょっと怪しいですけど…。アドレス置いとくので、消されないうちにメールくれたら嬉しいです。inspiration.you@docomo.ne.jp

出張ホスト said...

結婚してから女としての喜びを失った玉の輿女性達、エリート旦那のそつのない動きには満足できるはずもなく、時間を持て余すお昼時に旦那のお金を使い、出張ホストサービスを楽しむそうでございます。今回も10万円での愛を承っております。癒しの一時をご一緒して謝礼を貰ってくださいませ

gree said...

だれもが知っている日本で一番有名な出会い系スタービーチがついに復活、greeより面白い新生スタビをやってみませんか?理想のパートナー探し、合コンパーティーに興味がある方はぜひ無料登録してみてください

玉の輿度チェッカー said...

当サイトは、みんなが玉の輿に乗れるかどうか診断できる性格診断のサイトです。ホントのあなたをズバリ分析しちゃいます!玉の輿度チェッカーの診断結果には、期待以上の意外な結果があるかも

デリバリーホスト said...

男性との甘い一時が奥様達には必要になっております。刺激のない私生活はとても辛く、ココロもカラダもストレスが堪る一方、そんな中にデリバリーホストに癒しを求めている奥様、セレブ女性は大変増えてきており、男性の方が不足状態です。女性達の癒しとなる仕事をあなた様も一度体験してみてはいかがでしょうか

リア友 said...

メル友らんどでは誰でも気軽にメル友が作れちゃう、参加無料でいつでも利用可能なコミュニティサイト♪ご近所の気の合うリア友や、真面目に彼氏彼女探しなど、楽しみ方は無限大!自分にぴったりの相手を見つけちゃおう

出会い said...

大好評の逆ナンイベントが毎週開催決定!素敵な出会いのきっかけ探し・アイナビにきませんか?積極的な出会いを求める人達なら無料参加OK!あなたもほんの少しの勇気で素敵な彼氏・彼女をGETしちゃおう

お家遊びに来てくれる人いないかなぁ? said...

一人暮らし寂しいよ~(泣)誰かお家遊びにきてくれないかなぁ?休みの日とかも全然予定ありません。料理作るの得意だから来てくれたら食べてほしいな♪見た目は悪くないと思うから安心してください!(笑)細かい事は気にしないけど18歳未満の人は微妙かな、気軽に仲良くしてください milky-yukinko@docomo.ne.jp

神待ち said...

冬に1人でネカフェとか寂しすぎやし、でも自分から積極的に声を掛けれる娘ばかりと違い、内気な娘は神待ちと言われるように自分の事を助けてくれるのを待ってるんです。貴方の優しさを待ってる娘は意外な程多いよ

家出掲示板 said...

あなたのご近所の女の子たちと無料でカンタンにであえる家出掲示板!大学生・専門学生、まさかの女子○生まで!ちょっとしたお小遣い稼ぎに全国の女の子たちが殺到中!ノーピンクからちょっぴりHなお誘いまで…自分に合ったコを選んでメッセしちゃおう

名言チェッカー said...

簡単な設問に答えるだけで貴方にふさわしい名言がわかる、名言チェッカー!あなたの本当の性格を見抜いちゃいます。世界の偉人達が残した名言にはどことなく重みがあるものです

1人H said...

1人Hを男性に見てもらうことで興奮する女性が多数いることをご存じですか?当サイトにはそんな女性たちが多数登録されています。男性は彼女たちの1人Hを見てあげるだけで謝礼を貰えるシステムとなっております

モバゲー said...

最高の遊び場、スタービーチ!日本最大の友達探しサイトがついに復活、モバゲーより面白い新生スタビをやってみませんか?理想のパートナー探しの手助け、合コンパーティー等も随時開催しています。楽しかった頃のスタビを体験しよう

円倶楽部 said...

当逆円倶楽部ではリッチなセレブと割り切りでお付き合いしてくださる男性を募集しています。女性の性欲を満たし、高額報酬をもらって楽しく暮らしてみませんか?興味がある方はアルバイト感覚での1日登録もできる、安心の無料入会を今すぐどうぞ。

旦那以外とエッチしたい said...

人妻だけどセフレ募集しちゃいます!こんな女嫌かなぁ?新しい刺激欲しいし旦那以外の男性としてみたいな。エッチのテクはそれなりに自信あるよ、フェラとか上手いってよく褒められます。年上は何歳まででもOKだけど年下は18歳までが限界かな、楽しみたい人いたら気軽によろしくね♪ enjoy-smile.of.happiness@docomo.ne.jp

神待ち said...

家出中の少女たちの書込が神待ち掲示板に増えています。ご飯を食べさせてあげたり、家に招いて泊まらせてあげるだけで、彼女たちはあなたに精一杯のお礼をしてくれるはずです

出会い said...

セフレ専門出会い喫茶エンジョイラブは店舗型出会い喫茶 ENJOYグループのネット1号店としてオープンしました♪セフレ探しを目的とした出会いの専門店です。Hに満足していない女性達が多数登録。今すぐ即アポOK表示のHな女の子を新着順で紹介中です

熟女 said...

熟女だって性欲がある、貴方がもし人妻とSEXしてお金を稼ぎたいのなら、一度当サイトをご利用ください。当サイトには全国各地からお金持ちのセレブたちが集まっています。女性から男性への報酬は、 最低15万円からと決めております。興味のある方は一度当サイト案内をご覧ください

mコミュ said...

mコミュで理想の恋人を見つけよう!某女性誌に紹介され、女の子の登録者が急増中です。新しい出会いの場としてあまり知られていない今ならメールの返信がすぐに返ってくるかも!?無料登録から始めてみよう

Anonymous said...

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天然娘 said...

さびしがりやの素人女性や天然娘にメールやチャットで会話してあげるだけで儲かる新感覚のアルバイト「素人ホスト」!未経験者の方でも簡単、手軽に出来るお仕事です。詳細は当サイトでご確認ください

真剣に向き合ってはくれませんか? said...

初めての書き込みでちょっぴり緊張してます、男の人と出会うきっかけがなくて!こう言う場をかりてみるのもひとつのきっかけですよね。周りの友達は彼氏とラブラブの毎日、あたしもラブラブな毎日を過ごしたい、21歳の恥ずかしがり屋なんで、年上で引っ張ってくれる人がいいです。メールしてくれたら返事は確実だよ♪ワクワクしながらメール待ってます love.love.happy-@docomo.ne.jp

スタービーチ said...

復活、スタービーチ!日本最大のであい系がついに復活、進化を遂げた新生スタビをやってみませんか?理想のパートナー探しの手助け、合コンパーティー等も随時開催しています。楽しかった頃のスタビを体験しよう

神待ち said...

家出・神待ちサイト神風は家出少女が集まる人気サイトをクチコミから集めた家出サイト専用のリンク集です。風のように現れる神となってあなたも家出少女を救ってあげて下さい

右脳左脳チェッカー said...

ランク王国でもご紹介された右脳左脳チェッカー、天才肌を見分ける楽しい盛り上がりツールとして今、支持をうけております。みんなでやれば盛り上がる事は間違いなし診断結果でも全国ランキングなどにランクインされて面白さ倍増!話のネタに一度はどうぞ

セレブ said...

ゴージャスなリッチセレブリティ達のアダルトコミュニティーサイト!お金と時間に優雅なセレブ女性達はアダルトコミュで男性との秘密交際を楽しんでいるのです

スタービーチ said...

釦覀꟣芻菣芯맣莑볣莈諣莼鋦躢鷣膆臨ꪰ苣膌藣膡飣膳鿣芹뿣莼鏣莼臣膮ꧦ뒻臯벁诣莥볣芹뿣莼鏣莼臣膧ꫤ붓鏣膮꟣膂蓣芒鿦蒟韣膦诣膕

彼氏募集 said...

ゅめの*。ぉ部屋☆+.プロフ作りました♪彼氏募集中wバレンタイン前なのに→アソンでくれるヒトいなくて(泣)寂しいデス↓メアドを乗せておくので遊んでもイイヨ~ってヒト、メルちょうだいネ☆

飲み友募集 said...

飲み友探してまーす☆気軽に楽しく一緒に飲みに行きませんか?(*^_^*)そんなに強くはないけどね(*μ_μ) イイお店とか知ってたら案内してほしいです★時間は夜遅くでも空いてますよヽ(^o^)丿飲み友探しなんで二十歳以上の人限定ー(*・人・*) 年は23歳だよ!メールよろしくでーす! red-rose.ray@docomo.ne.jp

スタービーチ said...

新しくなったスタービーチは新しいであいのカタチを提案します★ あなたに出逢いたい人がここにいます。

神待ち said...

神待ちサイト ガールズBBSは家出少女を救う神待ち専用の掲示板です!登録無料で家出少女と出会えるチャンス

勝ち組負け組チェッカー said...

人生の勝者&敗者を容赦なく測定できてしまう勝ち組負け組チェッカー!資本主義の日本で貴方は果たして勝ち組になれているのか?あるいは…気になった人はぜひチャレンジしてみてください

高額アルバイト said...

高額アルバイトでは大人の恋愛を求めた風俗嬢や社長令嬢といった女性達が多数登録されております。裏風俗とまで呼ばれる逆援助の交際をあなた様も求めてみませんか

スタービーチ said...

伝説で終わらせるにはもったいない。完全無料でさらに面白くなったスタービーチの再来!実績と信頼の上に成り立つスタービーチならではのであい!安心してご利用いただけるブランドだからこそ自信を持ってお勧めします

高級セレブ said...

ゴージャスなリッチセレブリティ達のアダルトコミュニティーサイト!お金と時間に優雅な高級セレブ女性達はアダルトコミュで男性との秘密交際を楽しんでいるのです

メル友 said...

変な性癖があるのはどう思いますか?私、獣姦とか好きなんです…いきなりこんな話驚きますよね…引きましたか?Σ(゜□゜(゜□゜*)野外とかにも興味があります!変態チックなのもたまにはいいですよ\(^-^ )こんな私にメールしてくれるとうれしいです。メールから色んな話しましょ(^_^)年上の人がいいです、私は27歳ですよ!それでは、メール待ってますね sasisuseso309@docomo.ne.jp

Anonymous said...

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ツイッター said...

ツイッターで始まるであいの掲示板は新感覚のコミュニティ☆男女とも無料の年齢認証登録だけで即参加!!掲示板に参加後はプロフ作成やお友達検索、メッセージの交換等など多彩なコンテンツで貴方のであいをしっかりサポート

スタービーチ said...

皆様お待たせしました!!伝説の出合い系サイト、スタービーチが遂に復活!あの興奮を再び体験できる!思う存分出合いをお楽しみください

精神年齢チェッカー said...

精神年齢チェッカーであなたの実際の精神年齢が、簡単な質問でわかっちゃいます。普段は子供っぽいあの人も実は大人の思考の持ち主で子供っぽく振舞ってるだけかも知れませんよ

彼氏募集 said...

ゅめのプロフ作りました☆バレンタイン前なのにアソンでくれるヒトいなくて(泣)寂しいデス↓↓遊んでもイイヨ~ってヒト、メルちょうだいネ

モバゲー said...

今やモバゲーは押しも押されもせぬ人気SNS!当然出会いを求めてる人も多い!そこで男女が出逢えるコミュニティーが誕生!ここなら友達、恋人が簡単にできちゃいますよ

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救援部 said...

今や女の子のひとりHは常識。しかもお金を払って実際にひとりHを見てもらい、恥ずかしがるのや褒められるのが興奮のツボ!そんな彼女達とオナメールやオナ○ー救援部でHなことしてみませんか

彼氏募集 said...

今まで趣味とか仕事に夢中になってて気付いたら一人ぼっちで彼氏いなーい(_´Д`)恋愛からしばらく離れてたから…時々さびしくなっちゃったりするんだよね( p_q)同じくさびしーって人いる?けっこう甘えたりするところがあるから大人の人が好きだよ☆だから、年下はゴメンネ(。-人-。) メアドつけておくから気に入ってくれたらメールしてね!待ってまーす hahahanoha88@docomo.ne.jp

コンパ said...

今、お部屋コンパがアツイ!!毎日あなたのお部屋がコンパ会場に!インターネットで即参加!招待状がなくてもスグに使えるSNSコミュニティ☆

スタービーチ said...

今度のスタービーチはここがスゴイ!モバイルだけじゃなくPCでも簡単に相手を探せる!新しいスタービーチは出会いの確率がグンとUP☆

人生の値段チェッカー said...

あなたの生きてきた人生の値段を診断できちゃう、人生の値段チェッカー!ここであなたが今までに生きてきた時間に値段をつけちゃおう!コンパにネタに大盛り上がり確定のツールで盛り上がろう

素人 said...

お金持ち人妻や熟女達は素人ホストに抱いてもらう喜びを忘れられず、性欲を満たしています。お金に困った素人男性達は当サイトで人妻さん達を抱いて高額報酬をいただいてください

Cait said...

They should add "the mom"...always talking about their kids, husband/ boyfriend. Will always tell everyone how hard it is to be a mom, and how "you" don't know how hard school can be because you don't have fucking 10 kids at home screaming at you. They are often seen in class taking copious notes, have an out of date hair style and drink toxic amounts of coffee while lugging around their backpack on wheels. In class discussions, especially in any sort of Liberal Arts class, they can relate any topic back to their kids and experiences of being a mom; Occasionally they will bring up a past experience from their wonder years... "when I was your age...". If you befriend "The Mom" or work on an assignment with "The Mom" she will boss you around and tell you how to do things/ the assignment right after showing you pictures of all of her children, the dogs, and her husband/boyfriend. Can be found or mistaken for the 45 year old College Student with two kids, studying with the Study Nazi, Mr I work Full Time and the Nursing Student.

グリー said...

グリーもそこそこ出逢えますが、であいを求めるならやっぱりスタービーチが一番!登録無料で楽しい時間を過ごしたい方にはもってこいのサイト。これで恋人、セクフレを作るチャンスが大幅アップ

家出 said...

これから家出したい人や現在家出している人達と、家出少女を救いたい人を繋げるSOS掲示板です

恋愛のこと教えてねヽ(^◇^*)/ said...

仕事や趣味に夢中になってたらいつの間にか独りきりになってた…彼氏も長いこといなくて恋愛から離れてました( ´_ゝ`)そろそろ恋愛にも夢中になりたいけど男の子とどうせっしたらいいか教えて下さい(-^▽^-) 動物好きだから、年上で動物好きな人仲良くしてね(。・w・。 ) ペット連れて散歩なんていいよね!!まずはのんびりメールからお願いします sweet-rose.perfume@docomo.ne.jp

モバゲー said...

今やモバゲーは押しも押されもせぬ人気SNS!当然であいを求めてる人も多い!そこで男女が出逢えるコミュニティーが誕生!ここなら友達、恋人が簡単にできちゃいますよ

gree said...

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モテる度チェッカー said...

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オナニー said...

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スタービーチ said...

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ギャル said...

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モバゲー said...

モバゲーで合コンや婚活パーティーを開催中!イベント盛りだくさんのモバゲーを初めてみませんか

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恋愛 said...

毎日楽しい生活してても何かが足りないって思った時何が足りないか分かったの…O(≧▽≦)O それは恋愛だったんだ~って(苦笑)σ(^_^;)唯一、私にはなかったもの…彼氏がほし~い(>▽<;; フリーの人いませんか?私を恋人にして下さい♪♪仲良くなってどこかへ遊びに行きませんか?(≧▽≦;)明るい性格なので、一緒にいて楽しいと思います!!年下の人は苦手で仲良くなる自信がないので私より年上の人でお願いしますヽ(*´ー`)ゞ少しでも気になった人は今すぐにメール下さい♪ beat-angel.risa@docomo.ne.jp

スタービーチ said...

突如として消えたスタービーチが電撃復帰!長い年月をかけて蘇った進化したスタービーチをお楽しみください

スタービーチ said...

であえる確立NO.1を誇るスタービーチが帰ってきた!であいの要素がいっぱいつまった当サイトでであいのきっかけ掴みましょ

SM度チェッカー said...

SM度チェッカーで隠された性癖をチェック!外見では分からない男女のSM指数をチェックして、合コンや飲み会で一気に気になる人との仲を縮めよう

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モバゲー said...

モバゲーより確実に遊べるサイト誕生!スタービーチで理想の関係を築いていきませんか

メル友 said...

全国からメル友募集中の女の子達が、あなたの誘いを待ってるよ!無料エントリーで自由な恋愛を楽しんじゃお

恋愛 said...

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モバゲー said...

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